Buy or create?
I'm also struggling with a desire to buy a musical software update. I'd like to create some music, and maybe even do something meaningful with it (like release it on BandCamp or something). However, I'm also jealous of our finances-- I don't want to put the family in any financial risk, and there's no real need to do so.
So should I use what I have, or should I buy the upgrade (which is to software I did buy a long time ago, and really did use way back when)? I just don't really know.
And I could also write prose. However, I really don't have any ideas in that regard. But it would cost even less.
Or I could paint minis I own.
I just can't get anything moving, and that lack of forward progress is killing me. Even if I did release something, would I find it enough to satisfy, or would I just be upset that I'm not making something even more meaningful? And what is meaningful any more?
So here I type instead of doing my actual work. This isn't healthy either. Grrrr.
Monday, April 20, 2020
I didn't know how much I'd miss things. I do miss seeing people in person. I do miss my normal overloaded lifestyle.
I am happy for the slowdown. But I'm finding some things that used to make me happy just don't any more. I'm not enjoying teaching right now, even though I hated getting on the road at 6am.
I don't miss getting up early. I'm getting up at 7am, and it's totally an acceptable schedule for me. The house is asleep right now at 8:15, because the boys don't wake up unless it's an absolute mandate, and Levianne has opted for a later start to her work day.
I'm most upset by the fact that I'm not working on creative projects. I really thought I'd practice guitar more, or write music, or even paint minis. NONE of that is happening. I think it's just low-key depression. I'm able to get out of bed and get going on maintaining our household, so it's not so bad as some people. Every morning I'm the first one up, and I deal with the first load of dishes of the day (unloading from dinner the night before and loading up strays). I'm handling all of the laundry chores (except Anthony's laundry, as he's not real fond of that).
And then, last Sunday, shit hit me hard. I felt SO unhappy. I couldn't shake it.
And this Sunday, the same thing happened.
Something I'm really upset about is that in the intervening week, I spent 25 hours playing Fallout4. Now, I don't have anything in principle against video games. However, I've already played the hell out of F4. I didn't need to touch it again. And I decided to burn 25 hours on it. And 5 hours watching law and order reruns that I've seen multiple times before.
If I had put those 30 hours into something creative -- or at least half of those 30 hours -- I'd have something to show for this time. Instead, it's just burned.
I can't fix what's passed, given that it's about the burning of time. What I can do is vow to do better in the future.
I'm going to try to do better about getting my work done in a timely fashion, and doing some creative work.
I am happy for the slowdown. But I'm finding some things that used to make me happy just don't any more. I'm not enjoying teaching right now, even though I hated getting on the road at 6am.
I don't miss getting up early. I'm getting up at 7am, and it's totally an acceptable schedule for me. The house is asleep right now at 8:15, because the boys don't wake up unless it's an absolute mandate, and Levianne has opted for a later start to her work day.
I'm most upset by the fact that I'm not working on creative projects. I really thought I'd practice guitar more, or write music, or even paint minis. NONE of that is happening. I think it's just low-key depression. I'm able to get out of bed and get going on maintaining our household, so it's not so bad as some people. Every morning I'm the first one up, and I deal with the first load of dishes of the day (unloading from dinner the night before and loading up strays). I'm handling all of the laundry chores (except Anthony's laundry, as he's not real fond of that).
And then, last Sunday, shit hit me hard. I felt SO unhappy. I couldn't shake it.
And this Sunday, the same thing happened.
Something I'm really upset about is that in the intervening week, I spent 25 hours playing Fallout4. Now, I don't have anything in principle against video games. However, I've already played the hell out of F4. I didn't need to touch it again. And I decided to burn 25 hours on it. And 5 hours watching law and order reruns that I've seen multiple times before.
If I had put those 30 hours into something creative -- or at least half of those 30 hours -- I'd have something to show for this time. Instead, it's just burned.
I can't fix what's passed, given that it's about the burning of time. What I can do is vow to do better in the future.
I'm going to try to do better about getting my work done in a timely fashion, and doing some creative work.
Thursday, March 19, 2020
New normal
We’re cooped up. Already.
I’m doing my level best to be honest and open about things with my kids. I don’t hide the state of the world, we’re not practicing open borders around the house, and we’re very aware that things could become dire quite quickly.
We’re also working very hard to make sure they feel they have purpose.
I asked everyone in the family to determine a craft project they would work on over the time we’re here. Something productive, and long-term. I’m personally thinking about painting minis. Writing isn’t enough, though I suppose it could be. Music might be enough, but I’m not sure about that. But yes, minis are something I’ve enjoyed for many years, and happen to have a plethora of. Thank you, zombicide!
I’m doing my level best to be honest and open about things with my kids. I don’t hide the state of the world, we’re not practicing open borders around the house, and we’re very aware that things could become dire quite quickly.
We’re also working very hard to make sure they feel they have purpose.
I asked everyone in the family to determine a craft project they would work on over the time we’re here. Something productive, and long-term. I’m personally thinking about painting minis. Writing isn’t enough, though I suppose it could be. Music might be enough, but I’m not sure about that. But yes, minis are something I’ve enjoyed for many years, and happen to have a plethora of. Thank you, zombicide!
Tuesday, March 17, 2020
Not a bad yesterday
Yesterday we had a company-wide meeting on how to deal with remote work, and so did my wife.
With any luck, we’ll be able to get to the end of this with our jobs intact. I’ll be doing everything I can on my end to ensure that our clients keep their projects on time, because if _they_ stay on time, then everything does. I don’t know what that means, it’s kind of word soup right now.
Yesterday we had some wonderful home-cooked meals. Blueberry scones for breakfast, a lovely pasta lunch, and pork chops with rice and beans and spinach and cornbread for dinner. Topped it all off with a molten lava cake for desert. Instagram-worthy meals.
I’ve got a nagging sense that it’s going to get real bad before things pick up. I don’t know how to put it in words, and I don’t know if there’s much more I can do to protect my family than what I’ve already done.
I’ve already lost 10% of my 401k, but that’s fine for now. I pulled most of my money out of stocks about six months ago, which meant I lost a little on the way up but didn’t have to jump as things started sliding.
With any luck, we’ll be able to get to the end of this with our jobs intact. I’ll be doing everything I can on my end to ensure that our clients keep their projects on time, because if _they_ stay on time, then everything does. I don’t know what that means, it’s kind of word soup right now.
Yesterday we had some wonderful home-cooked meals. Blueberry scones for breakfast, a lovely pasta lunch, and pork chops with rice and beans and spinach and cornbread for dinner. Topped it all off with a molten lava cake for desert. Instagram-worthy meals.
I’ve got a nagging sense that it’s going to get real bad before things pick up. I don’t know how to put it in words, and I don’t know if there’s much more I can do to protect my family than what I’ve already done.
I’ve already lost 10% of my 401k, but that’s fine for now. I pulled most of my money out of stocks about six months ago, which meant I lost a little on the way up but didn’t have to jump as things started sliding.
Monday, March 16, 2020
About Last Night
Yesterday was my son’s 19th birthday. Normally we would have gone out for dinner, splurged on gifts, and so on. Not so much this year. We’ve given him a rain check on a birthday celebration.
We did go to a local open-air market to buy some vegetables and a few plants to make the house look nice. We’re going to be here a while, and so it’s important to do that. My wife spent some time making a few craft projects for Easter to brighten up the house as well.
My sons and I started a new DCC campaign (Hot Springs Island). It’s totally workable as a long-term campaign if they aren’t rash. It also requires relatively little prep work on my part, which is 100% ideal.
Today we begin the new normal. I got up on time, took a shower, got dressed, and shortly I’ll be headed upstairs into the home office. I have a new monitor to hook up to my work laptop. Fortunately I have a complex problem to work through this morning, so that’ll help things some.
I do have financial concerns about how long the current state of affairs can continue, but for today I’m keeping those concerns basically in check. I’ll go into more of a freak-out mode later on. I have to hold it together for my family’s sake, if not for my own.
It looks like a lot of people are doing what’s right, with only a relatively small number acting irresponsibly. I hope that my actions early last week (colonoscopy, Kamasi Washington concrert) won’t prove to have been irresponsible. If they do, that’ll be upsetting of course.
We did go to a local open-air market to buy some vegetables and a few plants to make the house look nice. We’re going to be here a while, and so it’s important to do that. My wife spent some time making a few craft projects for Easter to brighten up the house as well.
My sons and I started a new DCC campaign (Hot Springs Island). It’s totally workable as a long-term campaign if they aren’t rash. It also requires relatively little prep work on my part, which is 100% ideal.
Today we begin the new normal. I got up on time, took a shower, got dressed, and shortly I’ll be headed upstairs into the home office. I have a new monitor to hook up to my work laptop. Fortunately I have a complex problem to work through this morning, so that’ll help things some.
I do have financial concerns about how long the current state of affairs can continue, but for today I’m keeping those concerns basically in check. I’ll go into more of a freak-out mode later on. I have to hold it together for my family’s sake, if not for my own.
It looks like a lot of people are doing what’s right, with only a relatively small number acting irresponsibly. I hope that my actions early last week (colonoscopy, Kamasi Washington concrert) won’t prove to have been irresponsible. If they do, that’ll be upsetting of course.
Sunday, March 15, 2020
It’s best to remember
I realized that I might want to remember some things about how this all worked out, once it’s over.
My family will be sheltering in-place, and reducing social contacts. We’re not going to turtle in just yet, though. I have concerns that within a week said lock-ins might become more mandatory, and then we won’t have the options we have today.
We’re not going to take chances, too much. At least we think we won’t be taking much of a chance today.
Today is my son’s 19th birthday. Sucks, right? Not much to do about it.
For the past two days I’ve been the only one to leave the house and be in public. I’ve made a couple of trips to the grocery store. That’s nothing amazing, but it’s also not _nothing_. We’re fairly well stocked up on supplies, but I do have concerns about us burning through some of our supplies too quickly.
So today we’re all going to go out. We’re not going to a normal grocery store, we’re going to an open-air produce marked called Greens. We’re going to buy a lot of fresh produce, and some plants as well. We’re going to get some plants for the front flowerbeds, since that will let us spruce up the look of the house from the outside, as well as give my wife a good reason to go outside when we’re prohibited from travel.
We’ll also get a couple of plants for around the house. I want to do as much as possible to make the house a pleasant place to be for everyone.
We’re really very lucky. My younger son has had his spring break extended until March 30th. My older son has had his classes shifted online.
My wife has had her work deemed “essential/non-essential”, meaning she needs to work (which is good) but she does not need to be physically present (which is better).
My office has been preparing for this, and word came down from our parent company that everyone is to WFH starting immediately. My university hasn’t _yet_ gone online, but that’s because spring break is this week. I’m sure that by the end of the week, we’re online only.
My family will be sheltering in-place, and reducing social contacts. We’re not going to turtle in just yet, though. I have concerns that within a week said lock-ins might become more mandatory, and then we won’t have the options we have today.
We’re not going to take chances, too much. At least we think we won’t be taking much of a chance today.
Today is my son’s 19th birthday. Sucks, right? Not much to do about it.
For the past two days I’ve been the only one to leave the house and be in public. I’ve made a couple of trips to the grocery store. That’s nothing amazing, but it’s also not _nothing_. We’re fairly well stocked up on supplies, but I do have concerns about us burning through some of our supplies too quickly.
So today we’re all going to go out. We’re not going to a normal grocery store, we’re going to an open-air produce marked called Greens. We’re going to buy a lot of fresh produce, and some plants as well. We’re going to get some plants for the front flowerbeds, since that will let us spruce up the look of the house from the outside, as well as give my wife a good reason to go outside when we’re prohibited from travel.
We’ll also get a couple of plants for around the house. I want to do as much as possible to make the house a pleasant place to be for everyone.
We’re really very lucky. My younger son has had his spring break extended until March 30th. My older son has had his classes shifted online.
My wife has had her work deemed “essential/non-essential”, meaning she needs to work (which is good) but she does not need to be physically present (which is better).
My office has been preparing for this, and word came down from our parent company that everyone is to WFH starting immediately. My university hasn’t _yet_ gone online, but that’s because spring break is this week. I’m sure that by the end of the week, we’re online only.
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